By Sydni Phelps
I showered with
the water so hot
it was almost
uncomfortable, but
I took my time
to go thru
my ritual and when
I came out
with hair dripping I
walked to the guest room naked and laid
on the bed
to masturbate. I
struggled until
I thought of Kevin
on the phone, yelling
at the driver to stop
the bus, stop the bus
so he could get off
to meet me.
I walked back to
the bathroom, still
naked and stood
in front of the mirror, sweat on my face
and under my breasts, ran my finger down
the center of
my chest. I thought of poolside summers
at my grandma’s
in Vegas, swimming
with my brother
and cousins, thought
of love and summers,
put the hand towel
to my face and wept.
Later I took a break
from reading about children and language. I dressed the papusas from
the night before
with pickled cabbage,
heated them in the
microwave, sat down at the table alit by
the late autumn sun.
In the silence and shimmer of light on the lake I
thought about cheese, about vinegar, the stillness and quiet joy that is
a meal alone.
